Warning: Mild swearing from the outset.
Pansy Parkinson was also in her seventh year at Hogwarts. Pansy Parkinson had been held back two years. Pansy Parkinson was just a bit shit too. Together the two would go on a wonderful journey of self-discovery, adventure, and the everyday miracle of life. Together, they would rediscover the American Dream.
The first step in their plan was, naturally, to kill Harry Potter. He was a significant obstacle in their path to greatness and would have to be removed to hasten their ascent. Also he was a smug prick. Harry Potter was one of the greatest duelers of his generation and the two knew they weren’t strong enough to defeat him in a straight fight. It took months of planning but eventually they came up with a plan.
Harry Potter was walking down a street in London on his way to work at the ministry when the would-be murderers appeared in front of him.
‘Prepare to die Potter.’ Shouted out Pansy.
Harry drew his wand, a smug smile crawling onto his face, and prepared for a fight. Pansy and Colin then drew their own wands and the smile falling from Harry’s face was almost audible. His gaze lowered to stare down at their wand hands, revealing the only weapon powerful enough to defeat him. They had taped their wands to their wand hands! Without the power of expelliarmus Harry knew that he had no hope of victory. A moment's pause and then he quickly turned and ran away down the street.
Pansy shouted out ‘Avada Kedavra,’ and Harry fell dead on the ground. A few seconds later he started to move again. Apparently he took prophecies about living way too seriously. The pair launched a few more curses at him and finally he stopped moving for the final time. The great Harry Potter was dead. Pansy Parkinson and Colin Creevey had made their first steps on the road to rediscover the American Dream.
Disclaimer: No creative writing qualifications were hurt in the making of this monstrosity.