“No worries man, as soon as I had stopped laughing about the fact that you turned your cousin into an actual pig, I came right away.”
Harry tried to look guilty but couldn’t avoid a little grin. “What would you have done if your cousin had eaten all the cakes your friends had sent you for your birthday?!”
Seamus started laughing again. “Brilliant, simply brilliant! I probably would have done something similar, although I might have accidentally blown him up in the process. Now, what do you want me to do?”
Instead of replying, Harry slowly raised a glass with a muddy, oddly blubbering substance in it.
“Polyjuice potion?! You want me to turn into your cousin?” Seamus exclaimed incredulously.
“Listen, I really don’t have a choice. Any other night I’d probably get away with it by making up some story about him staying at one of his friends, but tonight his Aunt Marge is coming over so he will need to be there. If you think I am lucky that the Ministry only told me off for using a spell, that will be of no difference if the Dursleys find out about this because they would probably let me starve to death in the attic before I could get to an official hearing.
“So, until I have figured out how to turn him human again, I will need you to take over and behave like Dudley.” Harry looked at Seamus desperately.
“Alright, guess I’ll do it, but don’t you think they’ll notice? I have no idea what your cousin is like!”
Harry gave a sarcastic life, “Oh, don’t you worry. Stare at the TV, only interact with them if you ask for more food and, most importantly, laugh if they insult me. My cousin’s basically got the emotional range of a teaspoon, so don’t you worry about your impersonation.”
Seamus nodded, looking not entirely convinced. He then held his breath, grasped the glass and drank the entire potion in one big gulp.
The doorbell rang. Immediately, a dog started barking menacingly outside the door.
“Aunt Marge has arrived,” Petunia screamed in her shrill voice and hurried towards the door, almost colliding with Dudley, who was slowly walking towards the kitchen. “I am sorry, Duddy boy, I didn’t see you there!”
Dudley let out a grunt and kept, somewhat awkwardly, moving down the hallway.
“Why don’t you go into the living room already?” Petunia said looking after him.
“Yes… right,” Dudley replied and stopped, slowly turning towards the stairs where Harry stood, gesturing towards a door to his left. Dudley nodded and went through.
In the living room, on the couch, sat the biggest muggle Seamus had ever seen. He was so big, in fact, he looked like Hagrid, in a suit, without the messy hair but with a lot more neck.
“Son, been over at some friend of yours for tea like I used to in my old days? Whatta boy!” he said with his booming voice, got up, and patted Dudley on the shoulder with his massive hands.
Dudley stumbled and laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, Mr D– Dad, I meant Dad!”
Vernon narrowed his eyes; he had obviously never heard his son speak that fast. At that very moment, an enormous dog sped into the room and started barking at Dudley. Before he could react, a woman as big as Vernon entered the room.
“Ripper!” she screamed, “silence!”
Seamus almost sighed out of relief, that dog one-third just as aggressive as Fluffy had almost blown his cover. Although he was to display emotions of the range of a teaspoon only, Seamus felt more than that. Pity for Harry, who had to endure this for years, disgust of their behaviour and fear that he wouldn’t be able to deal with this for one entire evening.
Suddenly, Marge had spotted him and before he realised what was happening, Seamus Finnigan received a smooch by Dudley’s Aunt Marge. Considering using an Obliviate charm on himself later, he sat down and avoided any response by turning to the TV. Apparently, as Harry had said, that was considered perfectly normal and none of the Dursleys paid attention to him when they sat down.