Professor Snape: Ashes to Ashes, Funky to Funky, we know Professor Snape's a...vampire

Was the late Professor Snape a vampire?
Unfortunately the answer is a solid, and strict no. Rowling, the ultimate authority on all things Harry Potter, debunked this back in 2014. But as The Quibbler is trying to keep up to date and in line with the ‘real’ media, we’re happy to ignore the facts in order to pursue a good story. (Editor’s Note: we joke, we here at The Quibbler know none of the Muggle newspapers or media sites would ever ever publish anything without careful, accurate and unbiased research).
Now it’s easy to think vampire, and think blood sucking monster let us kill it. That may or may not be slightly unfair. After all, werewolves are highly misunderstood creatures in the Harry Potter universe. Why might this not be the case for vampires?
Vampires vary in their representation in literature. More recently we have been presented with many tragic Byronic figures who fight against their urges, rather like a drug addict, weakened by an aversion to light and of course a need for blood. With Rowling’s fondness of metaphors, it’s surprising she didn’t draw vampires into the mix. Of course literature and television in the 90s (see Buffy The Vampire Slayer) and 00s (see Twilight, Being Human etc) meant vampires were starting to be overdone, and tragic vampire fighting against an urge was also starting to be overdone. Which is why Rowling’s vampires, which are rumoured to exist, seem to be far less human and more humanoid, which perhaps makes them more frightening; they don’t appear to be able to be reasoned with.
Like banshees, vampires are creatures we never see in the Harry Potter series. However there are rumours that various characters are vampires, which are often dismissed. It seems almost as if vampires are a myth within the Harry Potter universe itself. Except clearly, they’re not that mythical.
The late Professor Snape, may his soul rest in peace and not pieces, was not a vampire. But why was he rumoured to be one?
Harry is a bit under appreciative of his surroundings. Yet even he sees that Snape is quite bat like. Of course vampires and bats don’t always come together, but they do often. Dracula in Stoker’s novel never turned into a bat. But it did become a popular image, what with all the swooping capes and vampire bats. The image of the vampire turning into a flock of bats was popularised by films and books in the 20th century. Rowling must have been aware of this, just as she was aware of the meanings and implications and nuances behind word choices and image choice. Rowling is a clever woman, and therefore some fans did read this as a clue.
Snape, like any typical ‘probably-a-bad-guy’ character hangs about in a castle and swoops about at night. He’s also pale and got dark straggly hair. Basically he looks a little bit like a vampire. Of course the whole hanging about a castle bit isn’t Snape’s fault, he kind of does have to show up to work. Except it’s his choice to run about at night. It’s his choice to spend most of the time in shade (though explaining why he’d risk sun exposure is another matter). This turns out just to be Snape’s character and the topos of how you write a slightly dodgy creepy teacher.
But this is the real kicker and the convincer that kept lots of fans occupied. Remus Lupin sets an essay on vampires in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Immediately after that, Severus Snape takes over for the week and sets an essay on werewolves. A clue to encourage the young witches and wizards to discover that Lupin is a werewolf.
Snape doesn’t often take first action. You’ll notice he retaliates. Even his calling Lily a mudblood, is retaliation for how he was treated by James and Sirius; undeserved to her, but a reactionary action all the same.
What if his class and essay setting was retaliation? A clue and a threat of exposure in return for a clue and threat of exposure?
An eye for an eye.
Perhaps this would explain his fascination with potions; perhaps searching for a cure for vampirism, which it seems in the Harry Potter universe is even more under researched and misunderstood than werewolfism. Being surrounded by chemicals can deaden senses; perhaps reducing the urge to drink blood. Or as in Pratchett’s Discworld, potions and potion studies could be Snape’s replacement obsession. Becoming a potion’s master gives the perfect reason to hide away in the dark. It also makes Snape’s joining the Death Eaters even more understandable; he would now share a similar mentality to the werewolves; life under Voldemort could only be better.
Vampirism would give a double meaning to the title ‘half-blood prince’; half-blood referring to a half human status, if we take vampires to be transformed or cursed humans. The ‘prince’ would then refer not only to his mother’s maiden name, but could also be a nod to the aristocratic nature of vampirism in literary representation, once it moved from folk-lore to novels. Plus vampire's are great bad guys- you want to hate them because of what they do/their inherent nature, but you also are compelled to love them; just like Snape. Because let's face it; he wasn't very nice, he did some pretty bad things, including things that can solidly be considered war crimes. He was obsessive (like vampires), he was cruel and clever and that makes the cruelness worse. But he was also human, and incredibly brave because he did try to redeem himself. We know we should hate him, but a lot of us love him. And that's the same Byronic (anti)hero thing that a lot of vampires have got going on.
Another compelling argument, is that vampirism would explain why Snape took James’s bait and followed the Marauders to the Shrieking Shack. The knowledge that there could be another cursed individual, could prove so tempting, that Snape was willing to risk his life to discover the nature of Lupin’s curse. Perhaps, even thinking he could ‘take him’ if it came down to it.
Vampirism doesn’t explain Snape’s death. Unless we believe that vampires can be killed by snake venom. Snape does not utilise his supposed vampirism, unless he is actively restraining himself during his school years (if we are to believe he was a vampire back then); however we do know he was restraining himself each time he fought a non Death-Eater during the second war.
But ultimately; Snape was not a vampire. Even if Alan Rickman would have been a great great vampire in Harry Potter.​ Though to be quite frank, Rickman could have been anything.  And unfortunately, The Quibbler doesn’t do fake-news. So we are left to ask: would it have been super cool if Snape was a vampire?
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